Moon Writes Open Letter to Earth:

 "Stop Blaming Me for Your Werewolf Problems!"

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In a startling revelation this week, the Moon, the Earth's ever-present nocturnal companion, has finally voiced its grievances. After eons of enduring blame for terrestrial issues ranging from tidal waves to bad hair days, the Moon took a definitive stance on a particularly hairy issue – werewolves.

The celestial body, often known for its shimmering silence, decided that enough was enough. It penned an open letter, quite literally written in moonbeams and delivered to major newspapers and media outlets worldwide, highlighting its concerns. "Dear Earthlings," it began, "While I've always been there to light up your night skies and serenade lovers, it's come to my attention that you've consistently held me responsible for a very ludicrous claim – the transformation of humans into werewolves."

In the letter, the Moon meticulously debunked myths surrounding its gravitational pull, which humans have claimed cause these alleged transformations. "Let's get the facts straight," the letter illuminated, "Your tides? Yes, that's me. Werewolves? C'mon now, you're pulling my crater!"

Cultural historians and experts were called in to shed light on the matter. Dr. Celestia Lunaire, a renowned Moon-culture specialist, pointed out, "It's been centuries of blame. Every time there's a full moon, tales emerge of human transformations, howls, and sudden urges to chase postmen. This lunar scapegoating needs to end."

However, the werewolf community wasn't thrilled about being thrust into the limelight. A spokesperson from the International Lycanthropy Association stated, "Firstly, we'd like to clarify that chasing postmen is a gross stereotype. Secondly, our transformations are very personal. Blaming the Moon has been an easy way for humans to avoid discussing our issues."

Meanwhile, the Sun felt a twinge of sympathy for its lunar counterpart. In an exclusive interview, it stated, "Honestly, it's about time the Moon spoke up. Every time someone gets sunburned or complains about the heat, I'm at the receiving end of the blame. But werewolves? That's a new level of scapegoating."

In the closing paragraphs of its luminescent letter, the Moon appealed to human rationality and the spirit of scientific inquiry. "Look inward, dear Earthlings," it glowed, "Perhaps these transformations are an inner call to connect with nature, or maybe just an excuse to grow out one's facial hair. Either way, kindly leave me out of it."

As the world grappled with this astral assertion, it became clear that the Moon had no intention of being Earth's fall guy anymore. One thing's certain - the next full moon will undoubtedly be a time of reflection for all of humanity, in more ways than one.

In the meantime, lunar merchandise with slogans like "Not My Paw-blem" and "Talk to the Paw" are making a killing in global markets. Everyone, it seems, is looking to cash in on the Moon's moment in the spotlight.

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