Unmade Beds:

Nov 15

Animated debate scene with a man and a doctor discussing the benefits of making your bed with anthropomorphic bed bugs listening in the audience.

The Surprising Virtue of Messiness Over Motivation

In a turn of events that might just redefine your morning routine, a recent study suggests that making your bed could be, well, bad for you. This revelation comes as a direct challenge to motivational speakers and self-help gurus who have long championed bed-making as the cornerstone of a successful and disciplined life.

The study, conducted by the Institute of Household Habits (IHH), found that neatly made beds create the perfect, cozy environment for bed bugs to thrive. "It's simple science," explains lead researcher Dr. Helena Blanket. "Bed bugs love the warmth and darkness that a well-made bed provides. Leaving your bed unmade exposes these pesky critters to light and air, significantly hindering their happy habitation."

This finding flies in the face of motivational speakers like Admiral William H. McRaven, who famously advised graduates to start each day by making their bed, claiming it gives a sense of pride and will motivate them to complete more tasks. "Well, it might motivate the bed bugs too," quips Dr. Blanket.

Across the nation, champions of tidiness are recoiling in horror at the thought. "I've been making my bed every day for thirty years," says Martha Pristine, a self-proclaimed neat freak. "Now you're telling me I've been rolling out the red carpet for bugs? I need to lie down. On the couch, I guess."

Infographic humorously advocating against making your bed, with illustrations of happy bed bugs and benefits like 'increased morning efficiency'.

The study has emboldened the anti-bed-making movement, long regarded as the slacker's credo. "I always knew my messy bed was a sign of genius," boasts Kevin Wrinkle, a college student and proud advocate of the unmade bed. "Turns out, it's also a sign of a bug-free lifestyle."

Motivational experts, however, aren't taking this lying down. "Life is about order, discipline, and conquering the chaos," states motivational speaker Gary Gogetter. "If that means battling a few bed bugs, then so be it. Bring on the insect repellent!"

Meanwhile, pest control professionals are rubbing their hands with glee. "This is fantastic news for our business," says exterminator Buzz Killman. "We're expecting a surge in calls from all the motivated, bed-making folks out there."

As this debate rages on, the sale of bed bug repellents and extermination services has skyrocketed, much to the delight of the pest control industry. On the flip side, the anti-bed-making brigade is basking in their newfound vindication, championing their 'messy but bug-free' approach.

In conclusion, while making your bed might give you a sense of accomplishment, it turns out it might also give bed bugs a cozy home. So next time you feel guilty for leaving your bed in a state of disarray, remember, you might just be doing yourself a favor. As for the motivational gurus, they might need to rethink their bed-making battle cry. After all, a well-made bed is no longer just a symbol of discipline – it's a battleground in the war against bed bugs.