The Great Human Sacrifice:

An Alien Perspective on Black Friday

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In the far reaches of the galaxy, a group of alien anthropologists, their antennas quivering with excitement, huddled around their viewing screen. They were observing a peculiar ritual on a small, blue planet known as Earth, specifically focusing on an event called "Black Friday." To their extraterrestrial minds, this event appeared to be a significant sacrificial ceremony, a ritual of immense importance in human culture.

As the sun rose on Earth, the aliens watched in amazement as multitudes of humans gathered in front of large commercial temples, which the humans called 'malls.' The doors of these temples opened, and the ritual began. The anthropologists noted that, unlike the peaceful gatherings on their planet, this event was marked by a frantic energy, almost aggressive in nature.

The aliens were particularly fascinated by the behavior of the humans as they entered these temples. They observed individuals charging into the fray, their faces set with determination and, in some cases, outright aggression. To the aliens, this resembled a form of warrior pilgrimage, where each participant was ready to engage in combat for their cause.

As the day progressed, the extraterrestrials were both horrified and intrigued by the intensity of human interactions. They witnessed scenes where elders were trampled underfoot, a sacrifice, they surmised, to the gods of commerce. These fallen warriors were often overlooked by their fellow humans, who were singularly focused on acquiring objects of all shapes and sizes.

The alien anthropologists were particularly puzzled by the treatment of human offspring during this ritual. They saw younglings reaching out for brightly colored objects, only to have them snatched away by larger, faster beings. This, the aliens hypothesized, was a rite of passage, teaching the young about the harsh realities of life and the importance of speed and agility in human society.

The concept of 'doorbusters,' a term they intercepted from human communication waves, was interpreted as a test of endurance and willpower. The first humans to enter the temples were revered and rewarded with treasures, a mark of high honor in the human hierarchy.

As the day waned, the aliens observed the weary humans exiting the temples, arms laden with their spoils. The anthropologists noted the mixed expressions of triumph and exhaustion on their faces. This, they concluded, was a successful completion of the ritual, a sign that these humans had been favored by their deities.

In their report, the alien anthropologists described Black Friday as a complex ceremonial event combining elements of combat, sacrifice, and endurance. They hypothesized that these rituals were integral to maintaining social order on Earth, a planet where resource acquisition and material wealth appeared to be of paramount importance.

In their conclusion, the aliens expressed a mix of admiration and concern for the human species. They marveled at the resilience and determination humans displayed in what appeared to be a central aspect of their culture. However, they also worried about the implications of such rituals on the overall wellbeing of the human race.

As they turned their viewing screen to observe other parts of Earth, the aliens left with more questions than answers, their understanding of human culture enriched yet complicated by the spectacle of Black Friday. This annual 'Great Human Sacrifice Ritual,' as they called it, would remain a topic of much debate and fascination in their extraterrestrial academic circles.

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