Farmville's Loss:

Pro StarCraft II Player Dreams of Farming, But Can't Quit Winning

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MILAN, IL – The world of professional gaming was taken aback last Friday when StarCraft II legend, Derek "StarHarvester" Choi, admitted that he'd rather be plowing fields than playing. Choi, who has dominated international StarCraft II tournaments for years, revealed in an emotional press conference that his real passion is farming, but he simply can't escape the pull of the game due to his unparalleled skills.

"Every time I think about retiring, I end up winning another championship," Choi lamented, adjusting his sponsored gaming cap to wipe away a tear. "I dream of tractors, not Terrans. But here I am, leading another Zerg rush when I'd rather be sowing seeds."

Choi's unexpected farming fantasy first sprouted during a StarCraft II training session when a pop-up ad for a farming simulator game appeared on his screen. Feeling the allure of virtual wheat and pixelated chickens, he clicked on it, igniting a dormant passion.

"It was love at first sight," he recalled. "I thought, 'This is where I belong, among the digital crops and cyber cows.' But, no matter how hard I try, I can't harvest potatoes as efficiently as I can annihilate my StarCraft opponents."

Despite his unparalleled RTS prowess, it's become common knowledge among Choi's inner circle that he often daydreams of tilling soil and milking cows. Recent tournament footage shows Choi, during a crucial base defense, absentmindedly drawing a silo and a barn in the minimap area.

"StarHarvester always had that distant look in his eyes," noted his longtime coach, Marcus "TechVoid" Levin. "I initially thought it was the look of a champion, someone who's visualizing his next strategic move. Turns out, he's just thinking about crop rotation."

Fans worldwide are struggling to digest this shocking revelation. Several online forums feature heated debates, with some supporters suggesting that Choi incorporate farming strategies into his gameplay, while others feel betrayed and are considering switching allegiance to players more committed to virtual combat than virtual corn.

Nevertheless, as news spread, several agriculture schools have reportedly reached out to Choi with scholarship offers, hoping to tap into his renowned strategic mind. On the flip side, John Deere has approached him for a potential sponsorship deal, seeing a unique crossover marketing opportunity.

When asked if he sees a future where he can balance both his love for StarCraft II and farming, Choi replied, "Perhaps one day I can build a base in the middle of a cornfield. Until then, the world will have to wait for my legendary soybean micro-management skills."

As the press conference wrapped up, Choi left the gaming world with one final, profound thought: "Remember, behind every great gamer is a dream. Mine just happens to be covered in mud."

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