World Declares:

People Will Now Speak in Braille, Write in Sign Language to Promote Inclusivity

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In what can only be described as a truly groundbreaking, if not mildly perplexing, move towards total inclusivity, people across the globe have unanimously decided that the best way to foster a deeper connection with the blind and deaf communities is to start speaking in Braille and writing in sign language.

The initiative, known as "Inclusion 2.0: Textured Speech, Silent Writing," gained rapid momentum after a series of corporate diversity training seminars reached the inescapable conclusion that communication would be most effective if everyone simply abandoned traditional methods altogether.

“It just makes sense,” said Tanya Shribbs, spokesperson for the We Mean Well Foundation, the nonprofit behind the campaign. “By speaking in Braille and writing in sign language, we’re bridging gaps between communities in the most confusing and inconvenient way possible. Inclusivity isn’t about ease—it’s about effort.”

The logistics of speaking in Braille, typically a tactile writing system used by the blind, are still being worked out, though many proponents insist the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. “Sure, no one can physically feel your words as they leave your mouth,” admitted Shribbs, “but the real takeaway here is empathy. If I stumble through pronouncing ‘dot dot dash,’ it’s really the thought that counts.”

The program’s roll-out has been met with confusion from linguistic experts and physical therapists alike. “Speaking in Braille is, well, anatomically impossible,” noted Dr. Clara Hooft, an expert in phonetics, “but I suppose that’s never stopped a movement before.”

As the world attempts to adjust, the everyday ramifications of this change are starting to appear. Schools are rapidly retooling curriculums to teach children how to “speak” the raised dots of Braille, while simultaneously encouraging the use of American Sign Language (ASL) in written correspondence. Classrooms filled with the chaotic sounds of people attempting to verbally communicate “dot-six-dot-four” are reportedly a disorienting new normal.

“I thought at first I was in Morse code training,” said third-grader Lenny Bupkins, “but my teacher explained we’re talking in Braille now. I don’t really get it, but they said it’s important, so… dot-four-dot-six.”

Meanwhile, in workplaces across the country, teams are adjusting to the new communication standards with the same enthusiasm seen in yearly team-building exercises. “We had to write the last office memo in ASL,” said Linda Fripp, an administrative assistant. “Everyone just kept making hand gestures that vaguely looked like dance moves. My boss accidentally ordered 300,000 rubber bands instead of three staplers, but I think we’re really starting to get the hang of it.”

Some are quick to praise the initiative for its audaciousness. “Finally, people are really thinking outside the box,” said activist-turned-experimental-communicator Jark Sunser. “By asking everyone to speak a language they physically can’t convey, we’re not only including everyone—we’re excluding everyone equally. It’s beautiful in a dystopian kind of way.”

Of course, the deaf and blind communities themselves have had mixed reactions. “I appreciate the sentiment, I guess,” said Matilda Lisk, a deaf advocate and longtime ASL user. “But I’m not sure how writing in sign language is supposed to work. I’m trying to imagine reading a letter full of little hand symbols, and honestly, I’d rather people just learn to sign properly. It feels like they took our actual needs and made them as inefficient as possible.”

Blind individuals, too, are expressing confusion. “I thought Braille was tactile for a reason,” explained Ivan Blett, who’s been reading Braille for most of his life. “If someone starts describing dots and dashes to me, it’s more frustrating than anything. Imagine someone shouting random letters at you and telling you it’s reading.”

Despite these concerns, the movement is gaining ground, largely due to the fervor of well-meaning individuals who are enthusiastic about inclusivity, if not terribly interested in practicality. “It’s a small price to pay for universal empathy,” said Shribbs. “After all, if we can master air-based Braille and hand-drawn ASL, who’s to say what’s impossible?”

And while the transition to speaking Braille and writing sign language has been bumpy, early adopters remain hopeful. “I’m just trying to order coffee,” said one man, loudly declaring “dot-five-dot-two-dash” to a bewildered barista. “I think we’re really making progress toward a more connected world, one absurd communication method at a time.”

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